yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hippo gnu deer
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
