i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
