I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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