You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
