I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Are we still banned from the library?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
