p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
