If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
