halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We left an ass print on the piano.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
