You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
