What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
