i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
