the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
