The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
