There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
