Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
