Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
not ubering you a puppy
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
