Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
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