did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
