i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
