Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
