last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We are all done wearing pants today
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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