eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
