i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
