A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
