i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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