I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
