hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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