Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
