remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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