Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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