Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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