My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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