i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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