He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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