God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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