u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Bring me that man meat
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
