I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
