Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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