it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
