I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
