so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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