I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
