I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
