woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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