I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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