i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
