Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
