the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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