My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
