i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
