im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
