just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
