party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
