Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
