you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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