need another drink. this is the easiest way
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
