i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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